I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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