On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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