If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize