clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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