You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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