i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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