we have officially lost it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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