I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
