There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
