I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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