she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
