the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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