i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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