my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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