i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
