There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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