dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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