Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
