Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
