Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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