Me too!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
