yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
