Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
