OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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