I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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