hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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