she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
