last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
