His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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