she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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