wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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