You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Green mimosas i think yes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
