i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
