that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
