you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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