Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
