yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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