Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
