Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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