me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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