sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
