My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
