Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
