Where did you get a picture of my penis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize