tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
