But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
