I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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