I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
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you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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