for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
