OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
