This house was built for laser tag.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
