So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
