2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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