Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
