I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
