I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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