he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
