I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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