Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
