had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
