Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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